Does God hurt when painful things happen? He knows the outcome, and He knows His plan is good. Does KNOWING all things will work together for good for His precious ones mean that He sails through the painful things without a hitch?
I asked this question because I’ve been struggling with some disappointing and sad circumstances, and it’s hard to know if my grief has been acceptable to the Lord. I trust Him, and when I pray about it, I see His hand shaping, correcting, and leading my family. Even though I trust His purposes, it’s still hard. Does it upset God that I weep?
Jesus wept. (John 11:35)
Jesus begged God to find another way for Him to save the world. His anguish was so great that His sweat was like great drops of blood before He was crucified. (Luke 22:44)
Did it hurt Jesus when Judas betrayed Him? Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”
Does God feel pain and grief? YES. God grieves when hard things happen to His people. We’re supposed to feel sadness and grieve when life’s challenges come our way – even when we’re 100% submitted to God and know He is in control. Even when we believe ALL things are filtered through His hand, we feel the anguish of painful things. Even then, we grieve and feel angry and dread the pain to come.
As I considered how my heart has broken and ached this summer, I couldn’t help but wonder if God is disappointed in me. Do I not trust Him enough to receive the trials with joy? My comfort has been disrupted. Rewards I expected to come immediately have not manifested as I’ve dealt with wrestling peace from total chaos. Things I’ve waited for longer than what seems reasonable or normal continue to elude me. Relationships I’ve worked so hard on to be healthy and thriving continue to break my heart.
God has promised me so much, but it always seems just out of reach.
When Lazarus died, Jesus knew He was about to raise his friend from the dead. He knew a miracle of the highest order was about to take place. Jesus wept anyway. Why did He cry? Was He sad that His friends had been hurting? Did it break His heart to know they’d believed in His power to heal, and they’d been devastated that He didn’t show up in time? Or was He just sad that His friend died? Jesus didn’t wipe away a little tear; He WEPT.
What do we do with our disappointment when it appears God hasn’t come through for us? Like Mary and Martha, when we trust Him to show up on time but everything we can see is on fire, we still need to trust. In my experience, He often waits until everything we’ve built has burned down so He can build something better. And that process IS. NOT. FUN.
If you are facing very hard things, your emotions are welcomed by the Lord. If you’re anxious about a diagnosis or a difficult journey ahead, there’s no sin in grieving. He doesn’t expect us to be robots or to pretend to be so filled with faith that it’ll all work out that we don’t grieve. Just look at the Psalms. David, a man after God’s own heart, wrote most of them, and he felt every emotion and wrote about it.
Did you know sadness is the antidote for depression? If you’re hurting today, here are a few things you can do to help process the pain and move through it so you don’t get stuck in depression.
1. Go for a walk outside and enjoy nature. It resets your nervous system.
2. Turn off all screens; turn on some worship music and sing. Singing induces hope.
3. Bake some cookies for a neighbor. Doing something for someone else brings joy.
4. Find one corner of a room to straighten up. Set a timer for five minutes and work on one small area during that time. A sense of accomplishment increases dopamine levels.
5. Cry. Don’t hold it all in. Crying washes the soul clean, while holding it all in creates a backup that clogs everything up. Often, crying doesn’t happen in private. If you start to cry in front of someone, don’t bottle it all back up again and apologize. Just let the tears flow, knowing you’re doing good work.
During the worst of my struggles this summer, I couldn’t sleep well so I got up early every morning and went outside. I cleared off the spider webs and sat in a camp chair with a cup of coffee, waiting for the sunrise. Some mornings I brought a journal, trying to engage my senses, a grounding exercise, and noticed the sound of the birds and the way the clouds looked. I tried to listen to anything God might have to say to me, but mostly it was just quiet.
The sun came up. I noticed. Sometimes I wrote about it. Then, I went about my day. But I did it every morning for a week, then most mornings for the rest of the month. When I look back at it, it feels like an anchor in the storm.
Although God didn’t amaze me with His profound mysteries, it felt like He was sitting beside me, feeling my pain. It felt like He understood and wished it could be different. He was my friend on those mornings, and that was exactly what I needed.
God hurts when we hurt. He understands our weaknesses and fears, and He weeps with us. For some reason, this thought has been one of the most comforting things to me recently. I hope it comforts you, too.
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