I've been committed to becoming fit and healthy in every way. In partnership with my local fitness training center, I've exercised regularly, eaten a sustainable diet that isn't extreme, and documented it on my social media platforms.
My specific goals are to manage my blood sugar, which has been difficult this year with the unwelcome diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes, and to gain more energy to do the things God has called me to do.
This week I added a new tool to my list of things I'm doing to accomplish these goals. I decided to thank my body for protecting me from perceived danger by holding onto additional weight. I made a point to honor the empathetic part of me that longs to keep those dearest from feeling threatened or hurt by my actions, even to the point of hurting myself. THEN, I chose to forgive myself for that false sense of responsibility and take it back. I can encourage others, support them in times of need, and pray for them. I absolutely cannot manage their emotions though. No matter how hard I try, it never works because it's not my job.
I also let my body know that it's safe. I will now protect it in a way I didn't know to before. I can acknowledge the emotions of those around me without absorbing them. (Becoming fit and healthy in EVERY way is about so much more than increasing my capacity for cardio.)
I tenderly gave my body permission to let go of the extra weight it has been carrying.
After all of that, I asked God to forgive me for trying to be the Savior, rather than trusting Jesus to save those around me. It's actually God's job that I've been trying to take over. God can take care of those I love so much better than me.
This caused something deep inside me to loosen up - like some air can finally get in to a place that's always been over-crowded. A lightness has replaced the intense heaviness that I mistook for love. I feel grateful and full of hope.
This morning I danced a little jig before I stepped on the scale. I hadn't gotten on it since I started this new program two weeks ago, but I knew that the results were less important than the pleasure of just doing the right thing. If I had lost weight, it would be a nice bonus.
I was pleasantly surprised to see a new number on the scale - one that I haven't seen in several years. Instead of fighting back panic, as I've done in the past, I felt quietly happy and at peace. I thanked my body for releasing that extra weight and patted it fondly.
I'm happy to report that I have lost 5.8 pounds in the last two weeks (while on vacation for one of those weeks). The inflammation in my body from eating too many refined carbs has gone down. I can see a difference when I look in the mirror. My energy is slowly increasing, which I noticed when I was able to easily run up and down the stairs at my parents' house multiple times a day. My skin is clearer, and my cravings for sweets has gone down significantly.
My muscles have been sore pretty consistently, but not unbearably so. The workouts have been challenging, but not impossible. My need for daily, two-hour naps is gone. I find myself smiling throughout the day, a feeling of satisfaction replacing the helpless sense of frustration I lived with every day.
I'm thankful for my trainers at Fusion Training Center, my therapist who is guiding me to healing, my doctor and the naturopath who are helping me regain my health, and for God's grace to bring me to the right people at the right time.
I have a long way to go, and it became very clear to me recently that I need to significantly increase my capacity to do cardio. I get winded easily and completing the assigned exercises in our training sessions can be a challenge because of my need for frequent breaks. My energy level still needs to come up quite a bit too. Last weekend, my daughter broker her arm and required surgery and an overnight hospital stay. I got very little sleep and it took me several days to recover. I want to be able to bounce back from something like that much more quickly.
Over the next several weeks, I will focus on training my heart to handle the workouts better. Instead of feeling defeated and intimidated, as I have in the past, I choose to view it as the most pressing challenge and to learn how to tackle it effectively. For right now, I'm committed to finishing every exercise I'm given, even if I can't do it in the allotted time. Yesterday, I finished my workout at home, spread out over several hours. While that isn't ideal, I did it! I welcome any pointers on what has worked for you.
Will you join me? I'd love to have some partners in this journey - both local and online. Let's connect! Subscribe to my blog below and you'll automatically receive notice when I update this blog, and you can follow my daily progress at www.Facebook.com/kimberlywyse or www.instagram.com/kimberly.wyse.